Setting goals w/ your spouse

[Frymire]

I'm recently remarried and my husband and i have been "independent" for close to ten years prior to our marriage. We try to keep our money separate and pay jointly for shared expenses. However, one issue I've had is that it is nearly impossible to discuss finances together. I want us to be on the same page and discuss our goals together. He seems to be very defensive when i start talking about money. I've never had an issue myself with discussing money and never had to deal with this issue in my past marriage. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to bring up the topic without him getting defensive?

[Jenn]

This is such a difficult question. One of my friends actually went to a money psychologist with her husband to work on things like this. However, this was their first marriage and they are in their late twenties. You and your husband are more mature in your finances and like you said have been on your own for a longer time. Regardless, this may be an option if both of you are receptive.

[Rogue]

If your husband has a difficult time now discussing money with you I see there being difficulty in convincing him to go to a "money psychologist".

It's very common for individuals to be protective of their money especially if they "lost" part of it such as in a divorce. If this type of scenario is true then i would say to wait it out as only trust can break the mold.

It might take some time but in the mean time you should look at areas he might be open too discussing such as life insurance (on both of you) etc. I might be reading way to much into this but baby steps might be necesary to build trust

[infoserv]

Just being married, even for the second time is still an adjustment, just maybe not as big of one.

Trust is something that builds over time and I feel that if you approach him with the ideas and ask if you can talk about them, that might be a way to start now and get him to get used to the idea of needing to discuss these items.